Wreck.

A week left until the big day comes. A week left to prepare everything.
In which i would like to say is not exactly doomsday but still something big altogether for myself and the rest who are relevant to this. You get the drift.

Anywho,
Particularly feeling extremely sleepy thanks to the weather and a night of watching my dearest play his heart out of minecraft yesterday (because it has become a new addiction lately what with our own respective tower of despair and tower of eden complete with self-made receptionists). Which i didn't mind, I talked more than i should again and i listened more than i should. I suppose it's a good thing minus the sleepy feeling and migraines i had throughout the week. Horrible but bearable.

Pain is just a way of telling you that you're alive. And also a signal for you to do something about it.

But instead, i talked and talked and talked. Feelings are a mixture again but i can't say that i was depressed again. Far from that. I was restless. But deep inside, although slowly, i'm regaining control again despite what is stored at the back of my mind. Honesty is truly a virtue and honesty is what matters. To myself and others, regardless of how much it hurts. Talking about various topics; personal or not. To know more about you is almost as important as knowing more about myself.
Thinking about freedom often causes a sort of fear to instill in my stomach. Butterflies. Butterflies and tigers. Of so many possibilities yet a step has not yet been taken although there are many doors open. "Kick ass before you get ass kicked," is a self-provoking sentence i told myself when i had to put up that stronger facade. I could care less but i could care more.

List it all out, dear. You know what is right and what is wrong. What matters and what doesn't.

"Those things i'm heartbroken about. They've passed. They've happened. Now it's just time to move on," I said. Repeated in my mind. Words that haunt but words that makes you stronger. Without experience, without any of you i wouldn't be this person typing out jumbled feelings for you to read regardless of intent. The term socially awkward and nervous wreck is often used to describe myself to the point that it has become a somewhat of an entity on its own. Then again, i could've been wrong this whole time. The fact that i've been this nervous wreck was a trait of my own.

If i paired it with strength, positivity, kindness and determination,
I could be
Someone you'd never forget.
In a good way, of course.



Oh hey, i see a smile.