Different.

Counting down to almost a year of being away from comfort zones and constantly stepping on egg shells. Yet, i'm still standing on both my feet, no regrets.

Different pieces of paper, cards, photos, and drawings embellish the bare white walls of this place i call sanctuary, never quite a home for home is where the love of my life is and it is something that i constantly look forward to almost every second of my life. Soon, love. Soon.

Different colored pills to remind me how fragile life is and despite the amount of money or medications put into our system, you're only given one chance and never more. 

Different words of wisdom, a single small piece of fortune cookie paper stuck to the wall which says, "Patience is your ally at the moment. Don't worry!" Something I came upon during the early January days of being stuck in cold and anxiety.

It's been almost a year, who would have thought?

A wonderful journey so far, i'd definitely be sad when it comes to an end.

4 months

In the midst of having so much to do in so little time, here i am. Procrastinating.

4 months have passed and flowers have bloomed at the side of the roads, in many different spring colors that put yourself in a smile. No longer the days of treading through think heavy northern snow nor bundling up in 4 layers or more just for the sake of retrieving mail outside.

A cup of 1$ coffee while waiting for the bus home reminds me of how much i miss having teh tarik in the early morning (while having breakfast together with the bf or even before starting work at the office). Simple pleasures that i never really put much thought into but has a warm feeling in your heart just from thinking about. It's the fact that it has such a positive vibe tied to something that can mean anything to anyone. Teh tarik, that is, in my case. How you wish you could share these new small things you've found with the same people.

As years pass by, i have become more honest with myself and towards others which i constantly wonder if it's ever a bad thing or maybe it's a good one.

Color-coordinated dates and mingling with bunnies. Remember?

Stop

It's been almost two months since I left my so-called comfort zone back where it's summer all year long and I often question myself of possibilities. We're never stuck to one pathway throughout our lives let alone the millions of choices we have even though similar but differentiating slightly more or less.

It wasn't easy, i'll have to admit but looking on the other side of the coin most definitely taught me more than I had expected. Things are often seen as horrible and far from being controllable but circumstances often has its way of turning around to make you slap yourself for being so naive to the other side of the coin. We often forget to flip through, regardless of coins, pages or anything else that we bump into and we accept things as they are only because we are too conditioned to do so.

Stop, drop and roll.

Learning about subtle things a person does makes me curious and smile on how intricate a person can be. Someone that you look up to since young still continues to fascinate you even after his passing and i admit that although i wish that you were still here with me, little things that reminds me of you is something that i should be and have been grateful of.
Time passes by as the light blue sky turns to dark blue, never pitch black like the horrible dreams you are often stuck in. The most beautiful things comes in smaller packages, built up as the journey goes.

Nothing ever stops. Especially time.

Grip.

Finding the prettiest things in what seems so tiny, watching the snow fall onto the palm of my hands made me smile. Snow is like thousands of tiny little flowers, falling onto you, each so pretty in its own way and I could not contain my excitement looking at each of them. Winter is a harsh season, but at the same time, it is beautiful in its own way.

It has been 2 weeks since I left. I don't deny it at all that i miss so many things back at home, especially the warm assuring hugs from the boyfriend whenever things are upsetting. Although we have Skype to lessen the distance, it's still not the same and nothing beats being able to stare at each other's eyes while holding hands. Distance often teaches us about many things at once and being grateful is one of them.

Classes have just started and here I am, over thinking about everything trivial that probably doesn't mean much to anyone. "Get a grip, Ida," I told myself often more than twice in a day. Looking at myself from a third point of view of a tiny Asian kid walking among huge halls and smarter-looking individuals is not an assuring thought but at the same time, I have the intense urge to laugh at myself for being so worried. I suppose age doesn't come together with maturity; in which I have a long way more to go to even call myself mature. But the process is an interesting one, I tell myself.

A positive voice in me tells me to go for it. A voice that is often so familiar and warm, a voice of confidence that is often behind closed bars. Reaching out a helping hand to the smaller person in me.

"you don't have to feel like you're being judge. I think most people feel the same way as you do just that you don't realize it," she said. It was completely true.

Do your best, the voice tells me.

In another unrelated topic,
I miss you.